Its been a while since I wrote about this blog... Lots of feelings lots of things to think about but can't express them well enough. Well, thats my problem isn't it. Despite the want to keep writing and typing i can't just express myself well enough... Been very busy with FTB facilitation workshops and training. Been in sch practically everyday coz i have to oversee the workshops and training.... Damn tired man... But at least the last few stretches of camps are here... So can relax a litle. This has been really an enriching experience for me coz I realised throughout the month I've changed considerably. Of course, many things have happened but that's for another story..... Now back to the workshops and trainings and my precious model car which i'm doing for someone now!

Well, I just installed a counter on my blog and its simply amazing to see how many people have read my blog and where have they read it from or rather their ip address. Its pretty fun until it starts getting weird when ppl whom you don't know search for irrelevant things and end up at your page which is kinda freaky. Then again if you want to put a public blog thats the risk you have to take. Don't complain.

I'm so pissed that my previous post got erased... Well back to the start of my previous entry, and its been half an hour since I started on this entry. Talk about anger management man.... Gah! Well as i was saying There are two things on my mind, make that three since i can't get this show out of my head:

1. Religon
2. Life's Principles
3. One Litre of Tears

Well, I attended a church service yesterday to City Harvest Church which is more of a charismatic church. My first impression of it really is the fact that it is a charismatic one. Ok though it sounds dumb but yes due to the emphasis on the "showmanship" Afterall, they focus more on singing phrases about God and giving lots of thanks to god. But this new experience has got be thinking, isn't it all the same. What makes Christanity so different from the other religions? Everyone gives thanks to their God, their teachings are more or less similar to follow the right path and not to do evil deeds like killing, stealing etc - the social problems. From a marketing perpective of things it really does seem that people long ago wanted to create loyalty to each religion so they sang praises for people to remember and pass it on forever. Yet, I truly believe the essence of a religion is its teachings and not the praising and singing. Indeed for such a shallow person like me trying to sound profound comes as a surprise to some of you but haven't you sat down and thought about why you go to Sunday school? Why you go to temples to pray? Indeed though your heart follows, do you know why? You may give some profound reason to me or anyone else but one thing is for sure, its your heart that you have to convince after all religion is a personal conviction not anyone else's. Indeed, it is important to keep yourself focused and not lose yourself in the heat of friends, family and other factors but yourself. I never had the chance to do so coming from a Buddhist family yet i realised the need to respect every religion for its teachings and the scarifices the buddha, christ and all other religious leaders have made. Forgive me for my rude use of my language for I'm just a lowly commner. At the end of the day it is important to find yourself a root or set of principles that you can abide by.

I'm hitting the hour mark as I begin on the second thing that's on my mind now. All my short life existence this far has been revolved around one philosophy which is treat others the way you want them to treat you. The golden rule. Yet how many times have I gotten hurt at the end when I feel it is for the greater good? Indeed, such an idea would only be good in a ideal world but yet I still feel unchanged by this philosophy in life as I think life's worthwhile and without regret only when you know you've dig in deep and lead life the way you want it to be without harming others. However recently due to the massive influence of the j dramas and experiencial learning in religion I feel that life isn't just about one's self but how one affects the other people around him. I realised another important aspect of self fulfilment would be to enrich the lives of other people. Indeed, saying this is a big statement which i myself haven't gotten through yet. But indeed its not about self anymore but also about the people around me whom i know and not know. To be more compassionate to the people around you and to treat everyone as equals i guess. Isn't that what life is about?

Lastly would be this drama serial I've been watching. Been watching till the fourth episode and its really very good its called - One Litre of Tears. An adapted true life story about a girl who contracts spinocerebellar atrophy a horrible disease that destorys the mechanical and physical nervous system as time progress through the atrophy of the cellubrum and the spinal cord. Yet the girl who is just fifteen faces the adversity with courage and lives her life to the fullest till the very. Indeed the show does tug many strings in my heart but yet so many lessons can be learnt which has changed certain perceptions in my life.

Afterall life is about living, live it!

Words of a wise person: " Be confident of yourself, learn to conquer yourself, only then you will conquer others..." That's how it should be now. Thats the way it should be. No retreat, no surrender..... Forward, we march! Thanks for the advice!!!

Another post in bed... These few days my entries have been on my bed. Lol that because i'm so lazy to even put my lappie on my table and do stuff. Bed's more comfortable you know. Hmm.. How to get to know someone better?? Its indeed a game everyone plays where the male-female engage in a cat and mouse game where the roles are constantly reversed or switched... No ppl I do not have a target but i do want to get to know a particular gal better. That doesn't mean i like her or something just find somethign very attractive about her. Whether she's suitable for me thats for me to know when i talk to her... But i guess the ultimate point is the fact that its diff for me... Especially when i go all out... perhaps i should be more relax bah....
Studies has become secondary i realised and getting a gf has somewhat become a top priority... Thats freakin weird man or stupid ppl may say but I guess i just want to be loved and to love others..... Let's hope i can focus for the next two weeks to mug my exams!! sigh.... Tired man.. Initially i was gonna write even more but i forgot.....

Three more chapters two more hours to go... And i completely forgot what i studied for the past 24 hours..... Mwahahaha........ GG man back to studying just needed to release a random topic!!

Well.... I'm lying in bed again as usual. Just thinking about what happened on Fri. There's just this gal in my ltb class she attracts me to her. Its like this magnet that just makes me wanna know about her. The frustrating thing is that I don't know how to do so how to get to know her. She maybe a potential target just that i want to find out more about her. Its irritating that i can't ask anyone coz the last time something similar happened, weining and xianna made a bet about it which really hurt my feelings... So what do I do? totally confused and irritated.. Is it an opportunity or just a distraction... Life is really a pain in the ass.......

Hmm... I'm lying in bed with a little time to spare. Hmm... Been in a pensive mood about practically everything from people learning how to smoke to how much I like what I am studying about. Let's talking about a closer topic. Smoking. Seriously I have no qualms about smoking but I completely disagree that smoking is the only form of destressant you have. But then again if people want to smoke I can't really control it can I. Being taught in the army that smokers are also humans indeed changes my perception about it but using smoking as a relaxant is just something i feel unept... Aiyoh why i so lor soh one keep repeating the same thing over and over again..... No wonder i'm an old pensive grenadier man....
What i;m studying about... Well, can't say I like everything completely but i think i'm starting to like marketing seriously. Its pretty interesting I would say and gives me a lot of perceptions to different things like how companies now market themselves above the noise. Maybe its really something I wanna do in future. Sigh Its raining cats and dogs outside finally. I just wondering why the heck have i not gotten over the fact about SSU. The possible life it robbed me. But thats just all hypothesis. Whats affecting me is whether should i still be acquaintances with my old exco. Ppl who should be burned on a stake, thrown screaming from a helicopter from the sky or mothers should have other plans such as abortion. Got a little carried away there. But yeah the hate is still there the pain is still there..... Backstab is indeed a painful thing something which even time may not heal. Some of you may think its childish but hey what you expect me to do? Get on with life yes i've done it but I just can forgive them. Freakin hypocrites. If there's anyone I would like to bang yes hypocrites are the number one people I would love to bang.
Indeed where has my direction in school gone?? Honestly I don't know everyday is just a normal day go to sch meeting training tuition go home. What else can i do build my cv? Thats the conclusion my friends came up: Carey needs a girlfriend. Thats another topic that has a sad history if you guys were to think hahahah... Nvr succeeded don't think i ever will. Sigh.... Life sucks....

Wow its been ages since i've wrote in... Well, been in a pensive mood and this poor blog almost died due to my absence of entries in it... Been busy man rather lazy to write... Well, getting the rythm back in place so here i am to write some stuff....
Been in a pensive mood recently, thinking abt practically everything and anything.... As we speak i'm actually ty[ing in bed haaahhaaaa.... I was thinking about all the gals I've liked so far... Sigh, I practically like half this world... But that special someone hasn't arrived for me it seems and i guess the wait continues.... Am i too picky or do i screw it all up together... Things don't seem to make sense sometimes... life i agree isn't just about gf but i was wondering how it owuld be like to share everything in your world with someone... I'm an idealist i guess. I must get what i want if not i'll be terribly devastated... Just like what happened in the SSU elections. Still can't let go of that at all. Still pissed with my exco. I hate them... That fire still burns inside of me in hope that they will all burn in hell and die..... Emotions really complete human beings i guess.. Fury makes it the perfect weapon. I really wonder why humans are born with just feelings: lust, fury, anger, jealousy all these negative feelings fuel the war in this world be it big or small. Yet to let go would be something to difficult where pride comes in.
I really wonder why people feel lost at times like how i am now... I feel like i'm in some sort of a mid life crisis where i don't know what to do or where to go... Why is it i'm thinking of something yet nothing at the same time? That truly is a question which i have no answer to myself. Its just this feeling that i'm really lost? Louis is that how you feel at times? Lost indeed is are great nickname i think... Humans are always lost in this world. It feels as though that one word really is somethign so great and powerful. Just that one word. Lost.