Gahh.... FAMISHED!!! Seriously hungry that i could eat a cow.... Hmm.. on second thought maybe not...... Well, I've never been an avid fan of office politics and doubt i will ever be one. But working in a female dominated area it really brings the word of office politics to life. I never understand why people have to take sides to me the side which has more power wins. Well, this is another story for sometime soon. And I"M STARVING!!!!

I'm sleepless as usual. Whats new. But I can't say i didn't deserve it. First day at work later.... Think today is gonna be a horrible day. Sigh....

I'm sitting here thinking what went wrong. Yet I basically made the most typical mistake I've always been making: rushing into things like a bull. Why do I always do that? Is it just in me to do such a thing? How do I stop myself? To not do stuff on the spur of the moment, to give in to your inner demons. I just hate who I am sometimes. I try to be the best person I can be, but my character makes it so hard. To do stupid things, go all out to protect someone, take the rap, because my love for people is greater than myself. Sometimes i wished I would have been selfish and get what I want. But I know I cannot bear to hurt people around me. Sorry, but I never meant to hurt anyone. 

As the horrible feeling starts to creep in again, looking out of my room I wonder if you're looking at the same sky as I am. Could my thoughts reach you? I know I'm supposed to be leaving you alone. But if only you could know how I feel...

Its gonna be another sleepless night.... I know it.... I blame myself for hurting you. But I really don't know what to say what to do... 

We went too fast... Yet I'm clueless to where we go from here. But all I want you to know is that I love you. 

Why you so stupid Carey!!! Do things never use your brain one...... Sigh sometimes i marvel at the stupidity of your brain.... Please try harder to use your brain please... Be more thoughtful about others.

CNY..... Lots of wishes. But only one wish is important to me..... 

It was a roller coaster ride of emotions yesterday. From feeling the pits, you brought me out of hell and made me the happiest guy in the whole wide world. Thank you for making me feel that way. Thank you for being so special in my life. 

I'm really really really tired but my eyes can't close I don't know why..... 

I really feel like a scumbag now. The lowest form of life on this planet. I feel ashamed, stupid and in agony. Because I did really stupid things. Why did i do it? You're the dumbest asshole in the whole wide world Carey Loy. I'm not writing this because there might be this remote chance you might read this but its really how I feel right now. Somehow i wished I had been slapped or punched by you, for being such an asshole. Right now, I feel miserable. Utterly miserable.

You know the feeling when you wake up and everything is horribly wrong. Yes, thats the feeling i'm getting now. That horrible aura in the air, something i really dread and makes me not feel like doing anything at all. The "sian" feeling where you just wanna cover yourself with a blanket and just wished this horrible feeling would go away. But no, it won't go away. In fact, its here to stay...

I'm still wide awake. Lying in bed isn't helping, as my mind keeps racing back and forth. Someone give me a KO punch pls......

If there's anything I did wrong, please forgive me. I was out of hand. 

If there's anything you want me to make things right, please let me know. I will try my best.

For I am ignorant, and my soul has been confused.

For I am learning, and only then can I change for the better.

Give me one more chance,

Let me make that wrong right.

Not to forget!!! I"M FREAKING HUNGRY WITHOUT ANY LUNCH!!!!!

ROAR!!!! *random mumbling*

Red tape is really a pain in the ass sometimes. Too much red tape that is. I can understand if a little bit of red tape to put order in place. But too much red tape just tortures people in terms of having the hassle to run like headless chickens all over school. Gah sometimes i marvel at why certain rules are in place. Then again... Thats why organisations are inefficient. Thats why I'm still in sch at this time of the day despite my one day week schedule. Oh well, I have to be thankful that everything is done. So heck it. Lanlansuckthumb.... :p

Somehow when i'm around you everything doesn't seem to matter.I never like to jump into things rashly perhaps due to past experiences but yet there's a voice shouting inside of me not to let the opportunity slip. As long as you're happy, I'm happy too. When you're sad, I feel sad. One thing for sure i like you for who you are not anyone else. Your jokes, your bubbly character but most imptly a side of you attracts me so much. Lets just take things one at a time.... Que Sierra Sierra.

Laid-back Doer Laid-back Doer (LD)

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.

Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

Adjectives which describe your type

extroverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, enthusiastic, friendly, playful, lively, talkative, nonchalant, tolerant, happy, pleasant, generous, flexible, wily, attractive, relationship-oriented, generous, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, helpful, action-loving, casual, sociable, open, sensitive, touchy, erratic, curious, noncommittal, action-loving

I've been thinking about stuff lately.... Very pensive about everything..... Life isn't good or bad but i'm still thinking. Been very pensive recently..... Thinking about things i guess i'm still a far shot away... I'm asking myself this question because i want to me sure? Or am I just having whim about something? The more i keep thinking about it more questions keep popping out... What should I be doing first? Am I ready mentally/physically/monetarily? What is it gonna be? Questions, questions, questions... Why so serious? U ask..... Life's too short to be fooling around appreciate what you have around you. All I ask for is to be cared for and to be loved. Is that something so hard to ask?

A night in a hospital. Lots of things to see. First and foremost, I need to explain why I'm in the hospital A & E for. My dad was having very bad stomach aches and cramps and it was not his first time in the week that it happened. The doctor had been suspecting it was due to gastric but it was rather weird coz he always had been taking his food at regular times unlike me. So my mum and I rushed him to SGH. Within one hour of our arrival at SGH, there were at least ten ambulances that dropped off emergency cases. The police post at the A & E was working non-stop that there was a 2 hour queue before someone could log their police statement. Then came the drama of the night, there was this indian lady who brought in a friend. She insisted on entering the emergency area and was making a big scene just because she couldn't get in. She just crumpled into a heap on the floor but were chased away by hospital staff because she was obstructing the path to the emergency ward. From what i could see most of the emergency cases where due to the countdown, people where too drunk that they passed out or met with an accident after partying. One guy had his feet ran over by a car when it was reversing, another girl drank too much wine. After spending 5 hours at the hospital, they discharged my dad for gastric again which i thought was rather weird. Anyway, what a new year's day!!

People are always immersed in their own thoughts, what's going on in their own world that they do not realize the presence and well-being of others around them. Life isn't just about your own self, its more than that. Why do people not see the beauty in living in a community? Someone whom you can truly care for and vice versa. 

Even i get caught in this world of thoughts, but at the end of it all you need to wake up from it to know that there are others out their worse off than you. If only we could open our eyes to see whats going on around us. If only mind reading was possible, then there would be no lies no secrets but people leading their own honest and decent life. If only....