Tales of Grenadier Loy

2010-08-26T17:57:00.001+08:00

Took this from someone else........

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their
idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to
DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened
TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's
idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will
notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the
euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,
a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVERjust happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.'
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make'
love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
Remember always this:

'God determines who walks into your life.It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.

2010-06-24T04:20:00.001+08:00

Somehow, I really cannot sleep.... I close my eyes but i seriously can't sleep.....

I'm really bothered by it.

2010-06-24T02:53:00.002+08:00

I'm really worried. Why is she in such agony? What's going on?

Have I been so insensitive and such a idiot that I have made her that unhappy?

It really hurts to see her so unhappy and I wish I could do something about it.

Yes, I will rot in hell for being such as asshole.

2010-06-23T15:32:00.000+08:00

I feel like writing stuff. I just need the inspiration.

2010-06-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

Just as things look for the worst, somehow hope appears and things seem different now...

2010-06-20T03:02:00.000+08:00

I wonder what is the true meaning of happiness? For we humans are too selfish to know anything about happiness...

2010-06-07T11:11:00.002+08:00

The porcupine dilemma - Everytime when I see her feeling troubled or in feeling down, it really makes me want to put down whatever I'm doing and be there for her. But yet being so close to her, I may unknowingly be hurt by her remarks as her mechanism of self-defense raises up.

Should I bite the bullet and embrace the quills that pierce through me? Yes, I will. For there is something that is greater than the pain that pierces me.

2010-06-06T23:16:00.002+08:00

Its really funny at the things I do. I just need someone to pass me news that something bad happened to her and I would put aside all my worries and pain with regards to her, get out of the house in lightning speed and purchase her favourite beancurd. Yes that involves travelling from one end of the island to the other.

Inside my heart, my thoughts were: I just want to be there for her and cheer her up.

But upon delivering the beancurd, her reply was," You didn't tell me you were coming." First thought that hit my mind was thinking that she just wanted to spend time with her mum after a bad day. In the past, I would think she was being unappreciative. But if you think properly, I put myself through this pain of going to get her favourite beancurd. Who could I blame?

Well, if consuming that bowl of beancurd did bring a smile to her face. I did my job of making her feel better. Those were not offerings of peace or sympathy. Its just something that I hope would make her happy. That's all.

2010-06-04T02:04:00.004+08:00

Voyage - Ayumi Hamasaki

We travel this road to find happiness.
See? You look good with a smile on your face.

These beautiful, fragile days are reborn, unfaded.

In the season of dazzling burned seas
and in the season of dancing snowflakes

whenever I turned around, you were there.

We travel this road to find happiness.
Everyone is a traveler, carrying his own never-healing wounds.
See? You look good with a smile on your face.

How many times have I gotten lost?
Every time, the one who extended his

warm helping hand was you.

At the end of this long path, what will we think?
Everyone is a traveler, wandering about in search of love.
Let's go together until we tire of it.

At the end of this long path, what will we think?
Everyone is a traveler, wandering about in search of love.
Let's go together until we tire of it.

2010-06-04T02:01:00.000+08:00

I wonder if you know it really hurts when you keep doing that. I thought you said you would try to be honest? Honestly, I think I've seen enough to know what kind of person you are. Anyway, I get the hint.

You don't really give two shits about me as a person and as a friend anyway. Its about time I start taking care of myself.

2010-05-30T06:01:00.002+08:00

I've been doing lots of thinking and many things have been floating around in my head.

What do I view that is important in life:

Values and principles: In my life my guiding principle has always been very simple, the golden rule - Treat others the way you want others to treat you. Try to respect and understand everyone around you.
Family: Family for obvious reasons. Because complain as much as you want, you are blood related. There's nothing more reassuring than to have a family that stands by you no matter what you do.
Friends: People who you have been through thick and thin over the years. People who though not blood-related accept you for who you are and give you smacks on the head for being foolhardy and being an idiot.

What are my personal goals:

Pursuit of happiness: For everyone around me to be happy, including myself. Be it monetary (not excessive but enough for my family), physical or emotionally.
Fulfilling life : Experiences and to understand people from different walks of life. By traveling, kendo, reading up or meeting people from different walks of life.

What kind of woman am I looking out for:

Shares the same values and ideas that I do.
Someone who is able to be the cushion when I'm down but smack me in the head when I'm too down.

Things are still fuzzy. But I'll be updating this from time to time as things become clearer to me.

2010-05-26T21:57:00.002+08:00

You say I'm the closest one out of the three. Seeing is believing, and what I saw doesn't make me believe a single word you said. Lies upon lies? Do you really mean about anything you say?

Like a child who gets caught red-handed stealing from the cookie jar, you did it thrice to me. You took a dagger and stabbed me straight in the heart, ripped it out for everyone to see and sliced it.

Why didn't you wanna talk to me anything about it? Why make useless attempts to cover what happened with more lies?

Even though I still want to be your friend, you don't seem as though you want to. You said," Thank you for the fishes." So is this the end of our friendship even? If you really wanted to salvage anything, i think you know what to do. But sometimes pride blinds our eyes to see things clearly.

2010-04-25T01:18:00.004+08:00

I'm tired, I'm exhausted and I'm drained. Who cares anyway. I'm just a tool of use. Someone who just provides as and when on a whim. I don't mind doing all these nice stuff and go out of my way but show some appreciation.

IT REALLY FRUSTRATES ME THAT YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED. I might be a naive lover but I'm not stupid.

Its not just one time but many times i feel this way. Who cares, I can't be bothered anymore.

2010-01-21T02:32:00.001+08:00

I think i know what the problem is. I brought in past baggages in. Having been hurt twice before badly, I became so protective and wanting to make things work that it resulted in something turning back on me. It really made me feel really stupid and emotional.

Hopefully, its still not too late for me. Yet i know i shouldn't hope but let things happen naturally. Afterall, it takes two hands to clap. I know I haven't given the porcupine much personal space because I am keen to make it work. But to ask me to suddenly switch is something difficult to do. I need to purge the inner demons in me to move on. I'm trying I really am.

Indeed, even if it takes me a long period of time. I will change.

2010-01-06T10:43:00.000+08:00

A funny dream about kendo that involved secondary school students and friendly shiai's

2010-01-04T00:04:00.002+08:00

"Lying when you're caught with your pants down only makes things worst and never better.

Promises are nothing when they are empty promises.

Words hold no value when you have been caught lying or giving empty promises.

Such is the harsh cruelty of life. "

2009-09-13T13:17:00.006+08:00

How impt is someone to you? When he or she competes isn't it natural for you to show your support? Thats like the basics of showing care or concern. When someone is feeling down, you should cheer that person up? What do you do instead? You focus on your own cuts and training. Sure everything is about you. Ask yourself have you ever done anything for me?

What's the point of telling you I'm angry if you don't want to do anything about it? WHAT'S THE POINT? You mean when I'm angry I have to swallow my pride and say I'm sorry? I'm not your dog or pet toy, I'm a human being, I have feelings, and if you don't care about my feelings, what am I to you? I'm not even worth anything.

2009-09-13T04:35:00.001+08:00

I can't sleep.... Its no wonder why... I can't focus. Somehow I know I'm not gonna do well today. Coz my mind is just so pre-occupied with other things.

2009-09-12T23:00:00.002+08:00

"Treasure what you hold dear to your heart" - Thats what I've always been trying to do. I have been selflessly giving and sacrificing as much as I can. Eating bread, going all out of my way, but somehow I just don't feel appreciated. Saying "Thank You"s are only suffice for a couple of times, but after all talk is FREE. You don't need money or really much effort to say "Thank You".

Maybe I'm just a toy or in fact a servant. After I've been squeezed every single drop of what I'm worth, out I go. "Thank you! Please don't come back again!" I can names countless of examples that this has happened, but what's the point. Even if you're at fault, you don't care.

Honestly, I don't see any light at all. Perhaps you would like to save me from this crumbling misery, or put me back into eternal darkness. Maybe I'm not someone that's worth your time and effort to treasure. If thats the case, so be it then. I don't care anymore.

2009-09-09T04:21:00.000+08:00

My bread eating days are over!!! WOOHOO!!! Hopefully my bread eating days are worth it.... MEEEEEEPPPPPPPP

2009-09-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

"Time is the best teacher, it's a shame that in the end he kills all his students.."

2009-09-07T12:11:00.001+08:00

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. * POKE*

2009-09-07T11:31:00.002+08:00

No matter how angry I get, I just need to hear a voice or a smile from someone and it just dissipates my anger away and turn a flaming body into a melted pile of hot chocolate. Though the analogies can be bad, but i guess you get the point. Is this how liking someone feels?

No matter how tiring it is, I would always respond to a voice of help or wait patiently for someone. Seeing the smile or energy emitting from that face would just make everything seem worthwhile. Is this how liking someone feels?

No matter how tough it is, I would always try to make the "impossible" possible despite the odds, the scoldings, the effort and the risk just to see that smile on that face. Is this how liking someone feels?

Going out of the way to do something and not expecting anything in return, just to see the happiness and joy on someone's face. Is this how liking someone feels? Although it does feel sucky that I am unappreciated, scolded for something thats not entirely my fault, I get by just by being around her and seeing her whoop with joy.

I like being with her.

2009-08-31T00:35:00.001+08:00

Don't let your own evils consume you. Cut through those evils and you'll see the light.

2009-08-30T23:20:00.003+08:00

Somehow I always think that there's a strong correlation between someone's kendo and their view/perception of life. If you look at the way our sensei's (teacher's) form of kendo each of them have different styles of kendo. We have the straightforward people (those that only go for strong straight cuts), the thinkers (access the situation and only attacks when there is a very good opportunity), the hardworkers (those that have the never say die spirit in keiko), the people who just bash through everything in life (those that think that power is the only way to go! BAM!), the weirdos (those that don't fall in place, fall in here)

In fact, whatever we do reflects who we are as people. Just that in kendo, it does reflect the true nature of someone especially when they are tired out and they have to give in their 100% effort or when the training days feel sucky and they have to summon their inner strength to conjure up something. Tough times don't last tough men do.

To me looking at my miniscule journey of just four over years, I've learnt a lot of the people around me in kendo. Learnt to eat more humble pie, learnt that respect comes from within and not to show fear in the face of danger. Kendo gives me the strength to persevere in doing what I believe is right and move on in life. Whenever I feel down, training kendo sometimes doesn't give me answers but I become clearer of my goal and what I want. I guess its a psychological thing and thats the beauty of martial art when you reach a certain level i guess. You start to realise and think what the heck have I been doing for the past years? How do I move on to the next level? Like life, kendo never stops at a certain place. Yet we train to move on further, every step we take in life we do the same in kendo. There is no end to that number of steps but how we view it.

Being all so philosophical all of a sudden when I'm still so young both in terms in life and kendo, I suggest my current way of life is the best to go. Go forth doing the right thing and not worrying about what others think. Like in kendo, to go in straight without fear and to execute what you think is your best chance.

2009-07-16T09:49:00.003+08:00

I had a completely warped dream / nightmare last night. I couldn't remember the dream for the first part but what i remember vividly was the second part of it. I was taking this transparent lifts where you could see through the glass lift doors so when i exited the lift I was in as the lift moved down, to my horrow i saw a lady standing at the top of the lift. Of course in a dream you don't question what's going. Then i realised on the other lift there was also another lady on the top of the lift and both ladies seemed to be distraught and trying to find a way to escape from being at the top of the lift. I was trying to signal to them i was getting help but I wasn't sure if they heard me calling them. Apparently we were on quite a high ground, then one of the ladies grabbed the cables and tried to swing for the door. I was desperately worried for her as it was a big gamble. My worst fears were confirmed as she lost her grip and came smashing down like a doll being thrown from the top floor bumping into objects real hard. Somehow, her body landed smack on top of the other lady's lift and she splatter gooey stuff onto the lady. It seemed that she had a chance of surviving, the other lady obviously disgusted by the mess just pushed the other lady.... I was horrified by the scene unfolding my eyes and felt really sick. Then I woke up....

I was pretty disturbed by the dream and bumped my wound which started bleeding. I tried giving morning calls to the porcupine but I assumed her phone was on silent. Anyways after a while i drifted to La la land and the dream continued. I dreamt that an investigation took place. Where three suspects were hauled into the interrogation room with Charles a friend of mine. Don't ask me why I was at the interrogation room. The funny thing is we started taking out paint ball revolvers and shooting each other. Suspects and us. I was hiding behind one pillar when all of a sudden i heard multiple groans and screams. When I turned around into the room, dead bodies were all over the place. All with a hole punched right through their chests like as if some aliens did that. The next thing i knew i heard some auntie cleaners nearby and motioned for them to come help me. As i rushed back, I saw Charles struggling to write the killer's name. It spelt Stella. Stella sensei!! I was shocked beyond words and tried to ask Charles what happened. Before I could hear anything, I woke up again. Scary dream...

2009-05-15T04:47:00.001+08:00

"Religon is flawed, because men are flawed..." - Angels and Demons

2009-05-12T03:30:00.005+08:00

When we are alone on a starlit night, when by chance we see the migrating birds in autumn descending on a grove of junipers to rest and eat; when we see children in a moment when they are really children, when we know love in our own hearts; or when, like the Japanese poet, Basho, we hear an old frog land in a quiet pond with a solitary splash - at such times the awakening, the turning inside out of all values, the "newness," the emptiness and the purity of vision that make themselves evident, all these provide a glimpse of the cosmic dance. ~ Thomas Merton

2009-05-12T01:40:00.003+08:00

Sorry and Thank You don't mean a thing especially when u don't mean it. Sorry also becomes more insincere when u always do it but think by saying sorry everything is always going to be alright.

But then again if u think about it? How can we prove that we really mean it when we saying thank you or sorry? I believe that you only mean it when you say sorry if you make a conscious effort to try and not commit the same mistake again. Its difficult I guess but as long as you know that you make the effort not to let the same thing happen again. Then begs the question how do others know you are making the effort to not commit the same mistake? I have been in the situation where I do make the same mistake again unintentionally and indeed the feeling isn't great especially when u know you've really made the effort to try.

I guess to err only shows that we are all human. Everyone makes mistakes its how you react to the mistakes that counts. How you move on from these mistakes and not shrug it aside when being told by others what you are doing is wrong and think that others are against you. Think S-A-R-A-H. Shock, Anger, Rejection, Acceptance, Help. If you're always at the first three and never reach the last two, then nothing's gonna change. Seek others for help, you can't do it alone. It is hard no doubt about it thats why life's worth living.

"I gave my life to learning how to live. Now that I have organized it all... Its just about over." - Sandra Hochman

2009-05-08T00:36:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i feel like a doll that has an expiry date. Anytime I'll be thrown away.

2009-04-21T02:52:00.002+08:00

The weather's so erratic nowadays that people are falling sick all over the place! It gets raining in the day and then it gets all hot and humid at night... If only the weather would be more windy. arhhhhh.... Thats just wishful thinking living in Singapore. Enough ranting about the weather. As i reach a close in my university life in SMU i really look back and wonder how far have i travelled. All those memorable events and the unforgettable people. Although life at one point of time felt very much short-changed. I guess i rode through that violent storm and became a better person inside i guess.

2009-04-12T14:49:00.001+08:00

Humans are always quick to blame and never to admit their own mistakes. I know I'm guilty of doing it too.. Somehow i just wished that we all would just sit down after cooling down and think through each other's faults and not put the blame at each other.

2009-03-07T00:40:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it wouldn't hurt to feel appreciated. But thats really hard if a lot of things are expected out of you. Thats why we're human beings. We appreciate each other for the things we do for each other in different ways but right now I just feel completely taken for granted. Life's really been great for me recently, its been a blissful four months encounting and i'm really looking forward to how things turn out. I'm so tired that i fall asleep like within minutes of touching my bed. Somehow i wished i could feel more appreciated. I guess i've been repeating that thrice now but thats what I truly feel. The tiredness has gone ot my head. I think ineed to crash out for a while.

2009-02-08T21:47:00.002+08:00

You must always take two steps backwards before you can take three steps forward. Honestly, I'm feeling both sad and happy at the same time with the way things are going. Lots of things have been just zooming by in an instant that I've barely got time to breathe. I guess the main reason why I'm feelin sad, why tears well up in my eyes today is unexplainable. First, your eyes grow strained as you think more abt it your vision starts to blur and your nose starts to water. Yet when I think about how the way things used be and the way things are and will be I feel very heartened that things might turn out for the better. We emerge stronger and unfurl another chapter of our lives. It really is a bitter sweet feeling which is still lingering in my mouth something i find very hard to swallow yet you know you have to swallow it. I guess what better way than to think about the positive future we have ahead.

I guess thats what being human is all about. The emotions and the rationality all into one. The learning process of how to live, how to be someone. I guess we only learn how to walk after learning how to fall. The road maybe tough but i want to persevere on. Looking back at things, I guess I would do the same thing all over again. Would you?

2009-02-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

02/02/2009. An important date to remember.

2009-02-02T02:56:00.002+08:00

Whatever it is, I'll try to make things work. I'll give it my all. Its the impt things to me that matters. This way life has always been my way of life and it will continue to be. Treasure something thats important to you with the mentality that u never know what's gonna happen tomorrow. Only then life is without any regrets. Its the short lifespan of man that makes everything so beautiful.

2009-02-02T02:21:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting here wondering what i can do to make things better. I'm praying that every thing's alright... If only i could bite all the bullets for you, but i can't. I try to please everyone. Be the good brother/son that i can become. Be the good friend that i hope to be. Be the good caring guy for you. It hard but I'm trying my best. If thats not good enough, I'll give the best of my best.

2009-01-30T19:28:00.002+08:00

Gahh.... FAMISHED!!! Seriously hungry that i could eat a cow.... Hmm.. on second thought maybe not...... Well, I've never been an avid fan of office politics and doubt i will ever be one. But working in a female dominated area it really brings the word of office politics to life. I never understand why people have to take sides to me the side which has more power wins. Well, this is another story for sometime soon. And I"M STARVING!!!!

2009-01-29T03:42:00.002+08:00

I'm sleepless as usual. Whats new. But I can't say i didn't deserve it. First day at work later.... Think today is gonna be a horrible day. Sigh....

2009-01-29T00:53:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting here thinking what went wrong. Yet I basically made the most typical mistake I've always been making: rushing into things like a bull. Why do I always do that? Is it just in me to do such a thing? How do I stop myself? To not do stuff on the spur of the moment, to give in to your inner demons. I just hate who I am sometimes. I try to be the best person I can be, but my character makes it so hard. To do stupid things, go all out to protect someone, take the rap, because my love for people is greater than myself. Sometimes i wished I would have been selfish and get what I want. But I know I cannot bear to hurt people around me. Sorry, but I never meant to hurt anyone.

2009-01-28T23:41:00.001+08:00

As the horrible feeling starts to creep in again, looking out of my room I wonder if you're looking at the same sky as I am. Could my thoughts reach you? I know I'm supposed to be leaving you alone. But if only you could know how I feel...

2009-01-28T23:12:00.002+08:00

Its gonna be another sleepless night.... I know it.... I blame myself for hurting you. But I really don't know what to say what to do...

2009-01-28T15:04:00.002+08:00

We went too fast... Yet I'm clueless to where we go from here. But all I want you to know is that I love you.

2009-01-28T02:39:00.003+08:00

Why you so stupid Carey!!! Do things never use your brain one...... Sigh sometimes i marvel at the stupidity of your brain.... Please try harder to use your brain please... Be more thoughtful about others.

2009-01-26T09:11:00.001+08:00

CNY..... Lots of wishes. But only one wish is important to me.....

2009-01-24T14:44:00.002+08:00

It was a roller coaster ride of emotions yesterday. From feeling the pits, you brought me out of hell and made me the happiest guy in the whole wide world. Thank you for making me feel that way. Thank you for being so special in my life.

2009-01-23T16:51:00.001+08:00

I'm really really really tired but my eyes can't close I don't know why.....

2009-01-23T12:24:00.002+08:00

I really feel like a scumbag now. The lowest form of life on this planet. I feel ashamed, stupid and in agony. Because I did really stupid things. Why did i do it? You're the dumbest asshole in the whole wide world Carey Loy. I'm not writing this because there might be this remote chance you might read this but its really how I feel right now. Somehow i wished I had been slapped or punched by you, for being such an asshole. Right now, I feel miserable. Utterly miserable.

2009-01-23T11:34:00.002+08:00

You know the feeling when you wake up and everything is horribly wrong. Yes, thats the feeling i'm getting now. That horrible aura in the air, something i really dread and makes me not feel like doing anything at all. The "sian" feeling where you just wanna cover yourself with a blanket and just wished this horrible feeling would go away. But no, it won't go away. In fact, its here to stay...

2009-01-23T04:21:00.001+08:00

I'm still wide awake. Lying in bed isn't helping, as my mind keeps racing back and forth. Someone give me a KO punch pls......

2009-01-23T01:40:00.002+08:00

If there's anything I did wrong, please forgive me. I was out of hand.

If there's anything you want me to make things right, please let me know. I will try my best.

For I am ignorant, and my soul has been confused.

For I am learning, and only then can I change for the better.

Give me one more chance,

Let me make that wrong right.

2009-01-22T19:45:00.000+08:00

Not to forget!!! I"M FREAKING HUNGRY WITHOUT ANY LUNCH!!!!!

ROAR!!!! *random mumbling*

2009-01-22T19:40:00.002+08:00

Red tape is really a pain in the ass sometimes. Too much red tape that is. I can understand if a little bit of red tape to put order in place. But too much red tape just tortures people in terms of having the hassle to run like headless chickens all over school. Gah sometimes i marvel at why certain rules are in place. Then again... Thats why organisations are inefficient. Thats why I'm still in sch at this time of the day despite my one day week schedule. Oh well, I have to be thankful that everything is done. So heck it. Lanlansuckthumb.... :p

2009-01-21T01:52:00.002+08:00

Somehow when i'm around you everything doesn't seem to matter.I never like to jump into things rashly perhaps due to past experiences but yet there's a voice shouting inside of me not to let the opportunity slip. As long as you're happy, I'm happy too. When you're sad, I feel sad. One thing for sure i like you for who you are not anyone else. Your jokes, your bubbly character but most imptly a side of you attracts me so much. Lets just take things one at a time.... Que Sierra Sierra.

2009-01-10T20:15:00.001+08:00

Laid-back Doer Laid-back Doer (LD)

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.

Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

Adjectives which describe your type

extroverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, enthusiastic, friendly, playful, lively, talkative, nonchalant, tolerant, happy, pleasant, generous, flexible, wily, attractive, relationship-oriented, generous, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, helpful, action-loving, casual, sociable, open, sensitive, touchy, erratic, curious, noncommittal, action-loving

2009-01-04T02:22:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking about stuff lately.... Very pensive about everything..... Life isn't good or bad but i'm still thinking. Been very pensive recently..... Thinking about things i guess i'm still a far shot away... I'm asking myself this question because i want to me sure? Or am I just having whim about something? The more i keep thinking about it more questions keep popping out... What should I be doing first? Am I ready mentally/physically/monetarily? What is it gonna be? Questions, questions, questions... Why so serious? U ask..... Life's too short to be fooling around appreciate what you have around you. All I ask for is to be cared for and to be loved. Is that something so hard to ask?

2009-01-01T00:30:00.001+08:00

A night in a hospital. Lots of things to see. First and foremost, I need to explain why I'm in the hospital A & E for. My dad was having very bad stomach aches and cramps and it was not his first time in the week that it happened. The doctor had been suspecting it was due to gastric but it was rather weird coz he always had been taking his food at regular times unlike me. So my mum and I rushed him to SGH. Within one hour of our arrival at SGH, there were at least ten ambulances that dropped off emergency cases. The police post at the A & E was working non-stop that there was a 2 hour queue before someone could log their police statement. Then came the drama of the night, there was this indian lady who brought in a friend. She insisted on entering the emergency area and was making a big scene just because she couldn't get in. She just crumpled into a heap on the floor but were chased away by hospital staff because she was obstructing the path to the emergency ward. From what i could see most of the emergency cases where due to the countdown, people where too drunk that they passed out or met with an accident after partying. One guy had his feet ran over by a car when it was reversing, another girl drank too much wine. After spending 5 hours at the hospital, they discharged my dad for gastric again which i thought was rather weird. Anyway, what a new year's day!!

2009-01-01T00:02:00.002+08:00

People are always immersed in their own thoughts, what's going on in their own world that they do not realize the presence and well-being of others around them. Life isn't just about your own self, its more than that. Why do people not see the beauty in living in a community? Someone whom you can truly care for and vice versa.

Even i get caught in this world of thoughts, but at the end of it all you need to wake up from it to know that there are others out their worse off than you. If only we could open our eyes to see whats going on around us. If only mind reading was possible, then there would be no lies no secrets but people leading their own honest and decent life. If only....

2008-12-27T20:58:00.001+08:00

Sitting down having a nice cup of tea and watching time go by, thoughts really race through your mind. Hundred and one thoughts from thinking about whether someone on the other side of the world is looking at the same sky as you to what you want in life. I guess this blog really reflects a lot of things about me, my thoughts and what i really want.

Life's always so confusing, a million thoughts race through your mind when you're in action, but you never know what to do. Instinct takes over, feelings take over. Rationale disappears. Isn't that what happens when you're blinded by something? Thats why we're human i guess.... Thats why i won't abandon you, thats why i won't abandon anything i hold dear.

2008-07-21T00:31:00.004+08:00

Its been awhile since I've been back.... One more year to my graduation and one more year to even more responsibility on my shoulders. Upon graduation, I'll be the sole breadwinner in the family since both my parents ain't working. Another important thing I have to think about would be my career path. Do I want to stay in the business world? Or do I want to start a career in the govt sector? Truly lots of questions to be answered.
From giving tuition for the past few years, I realised I have a knack for education work. Students under me just like to stick around with me. In fact, I enjoy teaching sometimes despite the fact that it restricts my carefree schedule. Then again, studying in SMU won't get me a good career in the education business. Somehow I have this feeling i would end up working in the business world. Starting off with a marketing position in some MNC, getting some international experience first before eventually ending up being a consultant for the big companies. The exact details i'm not too sure how to achieve it but hey i've got one year to figure out how i'm gonna get there. At least, I've kinda given it some thought to what industry I'm interested in going into and its definitely not finance but more of the marketing/communications/events side. Hopefully I get an internship in a marketing firm so that I can get a better feel of where my interests lies in. Career wise at least I know I have one year to decide and plan my future ahead. Love wise thats another story to tell another day...

2008-05-04T10:10:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting in my room thinking about my whole trip to the UK its been fun and stupid at times. Yet its this stupid problem that constantly comes to haunt me... Who the hell is this girl i'm supposed to wait for?? Its just so weird. Been looking at the photos of my friends on facebook. And i accidentally came onto this girl whom i was so close to being attached to. Yet everything just went wrong. Another guy, time away and bang she tells me its not working out.... Sigh... Things must be really fucked up somewhere in my life man... Where oh where can that woman be.....
Been reading this book its called the black swan. Highly interesting book and i recommend ppl read it. Pretty cool book i think.

2008-04-23T06:05:00.002+08:00

"If we see something not right, we can advise them if u truly think it's not good... but do so in the capacity of a friend and not a judge." A wise man once said. He also said,
"We try our best to be as good as we can... But we cannot succeed on our own... The worst is to think we have succeeded, that we are great and holy and decent when we actually are not..."

Thats whats friends are for. To give you the wake up call when you're in disillusion and when you're in the wrong. Remember that. Remember that....

2008-04-22T09:24:00.001+08:00

I'm disillusioned about how some people are in my life. No morals or whatsoever. Someone just knock me dead please......

2008-04-20T08:47:00.000+08:00

This trip to Europe really has been an eye opener for me. From the stupid mistakes that I make with my life to the invaluable lessons I have learned here. Yet so much has happened that I really have to rethink about the things in my life and how it should be from now on.
First and foremost, to be a responsible person and care about the important things in life. My family and my true friends. I realised that I've neglect certain aspects of my family and i really miss them over here. Its like i've received enlightenment about family being closest to your heart. I really love them so much and they are so important to me. I should really be more responsible and show more love and care towards my family members more from now on. Of course alongside my family, studies become a very important part of my priorities as I really want to study hard and work hard to give my parents a comfortable life.
True friends. Well those that really have stood through thick and thin with me. Councilors and some very close SMU people and a friend from Bath. I'm sure i don't have to mention who it is but as long as i know who they are its alright. Coz these friends have already accepted who I am and really appreciate me as a friend. I should really be thankful for these friends and start to appreciate them even further. Be there for them when they are down and listen to them like what true friends do.
Last but not the least, lead an honest and upright life with nothing to be ashamed about. Not doing anything that disgraces myself or my family and doing the things i feel are right. In that way, even if I die i would have nothing to hide. No lies. But having said that, I realise the need to be as sociable but as observant and equal to everyone. Even normal friends. What do I mean. Well, just draw the thin line and observe people instead of running my mouth non stop and talking nonsense with people. That really is a skill I must pick up which i feel is important to survive in this world. Having said so much, its nothing with talk and no action. Hopefully when i get back, you guys reading this would have seen a slight change in me for the better. To the better things in my life worth looking out for.

2008-04-17T18:12:00.001+08:00

Don't know what i'm doing but i think its time for me to rethink over somethings. I'm gonna rethink over what my goal in life and whats important in life....

2008-04-12T07:36:00.002+08:00

I don't know why but i just hate dinner or social sessions with some people over here. Maybe i really don't like socialising... Or i have the wrong intentions for socialising? Feels kinda weird though ain' it? For me to be speaking about something like this. A social holic like me saying i hate socialising... That doesn't sound very right i guess.... Oh well.,.. I'm thinking about things again the same thing that stupid mistake.... I don't know.

2008-04-03T03:35:00.002+08:00

One mistake will remember for the rest of my life... An life long lesson i will never forget..... If only I wasn't so stupid at that point of time.... Yet life goes on but in a different perspective. This trip has been really i feel one of the most life changing trip for me. Having to learn how to tolerate people whom I don't know well to travel, learning how to take care of myself and learning certain things the hard way. It really has been hard for me especially the most stupid thing i've ever done in my life was unfolded last night. I swear nvr again this will happen to me and I will change to be more responsible and more mature. Let this entry be a proof and a reminder to myself whenever I forget...

2008-03-31T07:54:00.002+08:00

I have no idea why i feel like reviving this dead blog from the ashes but I will anyway. Its been close to a year since i last updated this blog. Tons of things have happened from the extremely unlucky accident to my trip in Europe. Yet one thing remains unchanged though, I'm still single. Well, that doesn't really matter does it? (Self reassuring statement). Don't know why I'm so energetic anyway freaking midnight and i don't know what the heck am I doing over in Greece... Feels kinda weird. Well been blog surfing and I realised how much i missed blogging. The fun of bitching non stop about subjects and not letting anyone know about it. Well, the kid is back but not for sure though... We'll see how it goes.

2007-05-28T09:53:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since I wrote about this blog... Lots of feelings lots of things to think about but can't express them well enough. Well, thats my problem isn't it. Despite the want to keep writing and typing i can't just express myself well enough... Been very busy with FTB facilitation workshops and training. Been in sch practically everyday coz i have to oversee the workshops and training.... Damn tired man... But at least the last few stretches of camps are here... So can relax a litle. This has been really an enriching experience for me coz I realised throughout the month I've changed considerably. Of course, many things have happened but that's for another story..... Now back to the workshops and trainings and my precious model car which i'm doing for someone now!

2007-04-10T22:44:00.000+08:00

Well, I just installed a counter on my blog and its simply amazing to see how many people have read my blog and where have they read it from or rather their ip address. Its pretty fun until it starts getting weird when ppl whom you don't know search for irrelevant things and end up at your page which is kinda freaky. Then again if you want to put a public blog thats the risk you have to take. Don't complain.

2007-04-08T03:59:00.000+08:00

I'm so pissed that my previous post got erased... Well back to the start of my previous entry, and its been half an hour since I started on this entry. Talk about anger management man.... Gah! Well as i was saying There are two things on my mind, make that three since i can't get this show out of my head:

Religon
Life's Principles
One Litre of Tears

Well, I attended a church service yesterday to City Harvest Church which is more of a charismatic church. My first impression of it really is the fact that it is a charismatic one. Ok though it sounds dumb but yes due to the emphasis on the "showmanship" Afterall, they focus more on singing phrases about God and giving lots of thanks to god. But this new experience has got be thinking, isn't it all the same. What makes Christanity so different from the other religions? Everyone gives thanks to their God, their teachings are more or less similar to follow the right path and not to do evil deeds like killing, stealing etc - the social problems. From a marketing perpective of things it really does seem that people long ago wanted to create loyalty to each religion so they sang praises for people to remember and pass it on forever. Yet, I truly believe the essence of a religion is its teachings and not the praising and singing. Indeed for such a shallow person like me trying to sound profound comes as a surprise to some of you but haven't you sat down and thought about why you go to Sunday school? Why you go to temples to pray? Indeed though your heart follows, do you know why? You may give some profound reason to me or anyone else but one thing is for sure, its your heart that you have to convince after all religion is a personal conviction not anyone else's. Indeed, it is important to keep yourself focused and not lose yourself in the heat of friends, family and other factors but yourself. I never had the chance to do so coming from a Buddhist family yet i realised the need to respect every religion for its teachings and the scarifices the buddha, christ and all other religious leaders have made. Forgive me for my rude use of my language for I'm just a lowly commner. At the end of the day it is important to find yourself a root or set of principles that you can abide by.

I'm hitting the hour mark as I begin on the second thing that's on my mind now. All my short life existence this far has been revolved around one philosophy which is treat others the way you want them to treat you. The golden rule. Yet how many times have I gotten hurt at the end when I feel it is for the greater good? Indeed, such an idea would only be good in a ideal world but yet I still feel unchanged by this philosophy in life as I think life's worthwhile and without regret only when you know you've dig in deep and lead life the way you want it to be without harming others. However recently due to the massive influence of the j dramas and experiencial learning in religion I feel that life isn't just about one's self but how one affects the other people around him. I realised another important aspect of self fulfilment would be to enrich the lives of other people. Indeed, saying this is a big statement which i myself haven't gotten through yet. But indeed its not about self anymore but also about the people around me whom i know and not know. To be more compassionate to the people around you and to treat everyone as equals i guess. Isn't that what life is about?

Lastly would be this drama serial I've been watching. Been watching till the fourth episode and its really very good its called - One Litre of Tears. An adapted true life story about a girl who contracts spinocerebellar atrophy a horrible disease that destorys the mechanical and physical nervous system as time progress through the atrophy of the cellubrum and the spinal cord. Yet the girl who is just fifteen faces the adversity with courage and lives her life to the fullest till the very. Indeed the show does tug many strings in my heart but yet so many lessons can be learnt which has changed certain perceptions in my life.

Afterall life is about living, live it!

2007-03-29T21:59:00.000+08:00

Words of a wise person: " Be confident of yourself, learn to conquer yourself, only then you will conquer others..." That's how it should be now. Thats the way it should be. No retreat, no surrender..... Forward, we march! Thanks for the advice!!!

2007-03-29T02:52:00.000+08:00

Another post in bed... These few days my entries have been on my bed. Lol that because i'm so lazy to even put my lappie on my table and do stuff. Bed's more comfortable you know. Hmm.. How to get to know someone better?? Its indeed a game everyone plays where the male-female engage in a cat and mouse game where the roles are constantly reversed or switched... No ppl I do not have a target but i do want to get to know a particular gal better. That doesn't mean i like her or something just find somethign very attractive about her. Whether she's suitable for me thats for me to know when i talk to her... But i guess the ultimate point is the fact that its diff for me... Especially when i go all out... perhaps i should be more relax bah....
Studies has become secondary i realised and getting a gf has somewhat become a top priority... Thats freakin weird man or stupid ppl may say but I guess i just want to be loved and to love others..... Let's hope i can focus for the next two weeks to mug my exams!! sigh.... Tired man.. Initially i was gonna write even more but i forgot.....

2007-03-27T13:29:00.000+08:00

Three more chapters two more hours to go... And i completely forgot what i studied for the past 24 hours..... Mwahahaha........ GG man back to studying just needed to release a random topic!!

2007-03-25T02:21:00.000+08:00

Well.... I'm lying in bed again as usual. Just thinking about what happened on Fri. There's just this gal in my ltb class she attracts me to her. Its like this magnet that just makes me wanna know about her. The frustrating thing is that I don't know how to do so how to get to know her. She maybe a potential target just that i want to find out more about her. Its irritating that i can't ask anyone coz the last time something similar happened, weining and xianna made a bet about it which really hurt my feelings... So what do I do? totally confused and irritated.. Is it an opportunity or just a distraction... Life is really a pain in the ass.......

2007-03-21T00:59:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I'm lying in bed with a little time to spare. Hmm... Been in a pensive mood about practically everything from people learning how to smoke to how much I like what I am studying about. Let's talking about a closer topic. Smoking. Seriously I have no qualms about smoking but I completely disagree that smoking is the only form of destressant you have. But then again if people want to smoke I can't really control it can I. Being taught in the army that smokers are also humans indeed changes my perception about it but using smoking as a relaxant is just something i feel unept... Aiyoh why i so lor soh one keep repeating the same thing over and over again..... No wonder i'm an old pensive grenadier man....
What i;m studying about... Well, can't say I like everything completely but i think i'm starting to like marketing seriously. Its pretty interesting I would say and gives me a lot of perceptions to different things like how companies now market themselves above the noise. Maybe its really something I wanna do in future. Sigh Its raining cats and dogs outside finally. I just wondering why the heck have i not gotten over the fact about SSU. The possible life it robbed me. But thats just all hypothesis. Whats affecting me is whether should i still be acquaintances with my old exco. Ppl who should be burned on a stake, thrown screaming from a helicopter from the sky or mothers should have other plans such as abortion. Got a little carried away there. But yeah the hate is still there the pain is still there..... Backstab is indeed a painful thing something which even time may not heal. Some of you may think its childish but hey what you expect me to do? Get on with life yes i've done it but I just can forgive them. Freakin hypocrites. If there's anyone I would like to bang yes hypocrites are the number one people I would love to bang.
Indeed where has my direction in school gone?? Honestly I don't know everyday is just a normal day go to sch meeting training tuition go home. What else can i do build my cv? Thats the conclusion my friends came up: Carey needs a girlfriend. Thats another topic that has a sad history if you guys were to think hahahah... Nvr succeeded don't think i ever will. Sigh.... Life sucks....

2007-03-12T00:42:00.000+08:00

Wow its been ages since i've wrote in... Well, been in a pensive mood and this poor blog almost died due to my absence of entries in it... Been busy man rather lazy to write... Well, getting the rythm back in place so here i am to write some stuff....
Been in a pensive mood recently, thinking abt practically everything and anything.... As we speak i'm actually ty[ing in bed haaahhaaaa.... I was thinking about all the gals I've liked so far... Sigh, I practically like half this world... But that special someone hasn't arrived for me it seems and i guess the wait continues.... Am i too picky or do i screw it all up together... Things don't seem to make sense sometimes... life i agree isn't just about gf but i was wondering how it owuld be like to share everything in your world with someone... I'm an idealist i guess. I must get what i want if not i'll be terribly devastated... Just like what happened in the SSU elections. Still can't let go of that at all. Still pissed with my exco. I hate them... That fire still burns inside of me in hope that they will all burn in hell and die..... Emotions really complete human beings i guess.. Fury makes it the perfect weapon. I really wonder why humans are born with just feelings: lust, fury, anger, jealousy all these negative feelings fuel the war in this world be it big or small. Yet to let go would be something to difficult where pride comes in.
I really wonder why people feel lost at times like how i am now... I feel like i'm in some sort of a mid life crisis where i don't know what to do or where to go... Why is it i'm thinking of something yet nothing at the same time? That truly is a question which i have no answer to myself. Its just this feeling that i'm really lost? Louis is that how you feel at times? Lost indeed is are great nickname i think... Humans are always lost in this world. It feels as though that one word really is somethign so great and powerful. Just that one word. Lost.

2006-12-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

Long time since i posted here.... Well, what can i say... I'm still finding it hard to come to terms that my exco voted me out... None of their reasons are convincing enough... "I voted for the other guy coz i thought the rest would vote for you." This seems rather a lousy explanation. To make things worst, the new exco looks so fun. Sigh celebrating each other's bday's and stuff... Wonder where was my exco when they celebrated bdays, celebrated practically everyone's bday except for mine. How nice can they get.... Bunch of hypocrites.... To hell with those motherfuckers.

Relationship wise i'm kinda in a dilemna now..... There's this gal whom i've been hanging out recently... She's really a nice gal, caring although a little loud at times.... Just that she has two tattoos on the left of her shoulder which is not too big. She's really been through a lot from being crooked to attempting suicide once to breaking up with her bf.... Sigh, thing is i don't know if I really like her or not... Arrrgghhh i don't even know what to do now..... Really need help on this man... Guys if you're reading this i really need help...

Family wise everything is fine... Julian boy HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! And to my sister, ann early HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! So far everything i think is going ok.... So yeah... hope things become even better!!!

2006-10-17T16:21:00.000+08:00

Somehow i'm ruining my whole life because of the series of events that have been occuring recently... First up came the screwed-up elections... Yeah that was one major hit to me... Still trying to pick up the pieces from where i was left... Then, came my social life.... Because of the stupid elections, it has strained a couple of relationships i have with my friends within the exco and outside the exco...
Of course then came along BGR where yeah she's attached... The gal from the lamp is now attached with this guy i guess... And my relationship with her has kinda strained becoz of my depressed behaviour... Yeah i'm really in a very depressed mood now.... Its really affecting me..... Family has taken a hit becoz of the complicated issues that has been taking place with my family and my brother-in-law's family... Life's really been a bitch and it really sucks...
The haircut was really a refreshing thing and i'm recovering from everything slightly.... Guys so sorry to have made you guys worry and really appreciate all the concern you guys have shown.... Life goes on i guess... I hope i recover from this soon.....

2006-10-17T00:51:00.000+08:00

My new hairstyle sucks....

2006-10-16T12:00:00.000+08:00

I'm becoming scared of ppl now..... There's this huge barrier which i wanna put up around my inner wall which i don't want people to come in.

2006-10-16T10:37:00.001+08:00

Life's pretty amazing when you're down a shitload of stuff hit u. Socially, work-related, BGR, family.... Yeah all the major shits that will go wrong will go wrong at the same time.... I need the time off.... Life can't go on anymore.....

2006-10-16T10:24:00.000+08:00

When the world has turned its back on you, you know things will never be the same again....... I've decided to be a opportunistic person one who will only go out to do things for ppl if there are things in it for me. If not forget about it.... Humans are such amzing creatures.... Its time to be a realist and not let ideals and dreams mislead or hurt u. People don't really care if they hurt your feelings or not, what they do is just do what's in it for them. Thats all about it.... I'm just a working tool or stepping stone to what people around me want... Carey can help me do this.... Carey can a not? My future answer will be "Sure, why not?!" and leave it as that... Coz I know ppl do the same to me too.

I'm so close to giving up friends in SMU, not many are friends and those that were have all been lost. The fine line will be drawn and friends and enemies will be known. I will never trust anyone from smu again. This world is full of hypocrites, and everyone in that fucked-up sch is one. I hate them. I wanna quit school........

2006-10-14T10:03:00.000+08:00

I hate them..... I hate them..... T really hate them.......

2006-10-13T05:20:00.000+08:00

Lessons Learnt:

No. 1 - Never trust your "friends", ppl whom you have made scarifices for over the past year. Unless they can really be trusted. If not, you'll just be stabbed in the back. And when they come to you and apologise you know they're just hypocrites....

No. 2 - Ren bu wei ji tian zu di mie. Every man for himself, there's no friends in the fight to survive.

And yet somehow these two lessons i know won't be learnt.... Sometimes I wonder why am i so guilible? To go all out to these mother fuckers who don't give a shit abt your feelings at the end. Ppl whom you've worked with over the year, people whom you've made certain sacrifices for. Yet they just cast you away like a used newpaper... Have I not done enough for the fraternity to prove my worth? Tears did drop down my face when i thought through it. I know whats done cannot be undone but I just have to go out holding my head high.... But it hurts me so much.... To be stabbed so painfully in the heart by the people whom some i really considered "friends". Ppl whom u call friends..... I scorn at that word. I loathe that word. Ppl who i thought would do something for me.. My foot they would do anything. They just see benefits they can reap from u and discard u away.

No matter how hard i try to spit the venom out, it has gone too far in to be cast away.

2006-09-15T02:33:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since i updated this place.... Hmm... usually if i start bloggin its usually something bad has happened.... Oh well... Nice guys always finish last don't they.... I'm sure with just one line of that you guys know whats going on... I'm fine yet unfine... Why is it I never get a happy ending? When would that day come? Thats what I always ask myself? Is it because i'm not good enough? What's wrong with me really? Or i'm just too sensitive?
Life's really been pretty turbulent coz I fell in love with the people's gal... She's just so popular and charismatic I couldn't help it... I'm just tired now... So tired think i'll continue this another day.... When I'm in a more thoughtful mood bah... Now this is just to make me feel better....

2006-06-19T20:52:00.000+08:00

You scored as Gambit. Gambit is another loner character. He loves Rogue. He has a very cool deboner personality. He's done things in his past that he's not proud of but he atones for his actions by fighting for peace with the X-Men. His weapon of choice is the playing card. Powers: Charges objects with kinetic energy by touching them, then they explode like grenades.

Wolverine

75%

Gambit

75%

Colossus

70%

Cyclops

60%

Emma Frost

60%

Iceman

60%

Storm

55%

Jean Grey

55%

Beast

50%

Nightcrawler

50%

Rogue

40%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-06-01T08:30:00.000+08:00

InTrOdUcInG..................The Ramly Burger!!!!!!!

Went to eat mos burger with Robin today. Then we realised MOS burger was not enough so we headed to the Pasar Malam near his place to grab a RAMLY BURGER!!!! We were scared we couldn't make it in time coz Robin said the pasar malam closes early... Which was completely rubbish... Where on earth do you hear a pasar malam close at 11 one!!!! KNN.....
Anyway we reached the place to find everyone was closing!!! Oh my god!!! Thank Godness The ramly place was still open... If not I would have kicked up a fuss and you guys would be hearing about me complaining non-stop about it in this entry... Anyway we ordered TWO ramly burgers mwahahahahah..... The guy apparently wasn't very skilled.... No stunts on the hot plate and the patty looked O-K-A-Y only.....
We waited for a while till my bus came...... And IT WAS MY LAST BUS!!!! FREAK man.... deciding between food or the journey home I succumbed to my inner demons.... The wait was relatively worth it... Afterall, its all about tradeoffs HEHEHEHEH........... And TA...Da!!!!!

Piping hot RAMLY BURGERS!!!! Pretty not bad i would say but one thing i don't understand if RAMLY burgers were so popular why didn't anyone set up a ramly stall?!?!?! that's one puzzling thing i never know.... But the singapore ramly burger the patty so PUNY...... Not very shiok eating it... It would have been better if the patties were much bigger and jucier..... *Saliva dripping..... At the end of it all,
A really very satisfied Carey with a super big stomach............. Lol.... ROBIN YOU IDIOT NVR ASK ME TO TAKE PHOTO WITH YOU!!!! Should have taken photo of us eating heheheheh............... Oh well.... Anyway Blogger was down yesterday so i couldn't blog from work!!!!! Oh well my five cents worth of jabroni piece of monkey crap LOL.... Photos brighten up my day!!

2006-05-30T12:16:00.000+08:00

Wah was reading kennysia and xiaxue's blog. Then looknig back at my blog, its pathetic i tell yah..... Can't believe how low standard my blog is. Always full of lousy whims and complaints..... LOL.... So irritating.... Maybe i should write about things that pop in my head and not just whining and complaining about stupid "Love", relationships etc yadda yadda.. Talk about the stupid on goings in my life.....
By now some will go wait a min, Carey so free one meh?? Can actually read people's blog?!?!? Actually, its not that i don't have work but more of I have work but my boss isn't around..... Mischievious grin.... LOL.. Can't believe how naughty and unethical I am. Using company time to blog and read other people's blog... UNBELIEVABLE.. Tsk tsk tsk... Should rot in hell for this... Hmm I think i shall take more photos and include more stuff... That's what this blog is lacking PHOTOS ARH.... MORE MORE MMMMOOOOORRREEEEE PHOTOS!!!!! That's the WAY to GO! LOL...... Shiok I tell yah....
Anyway, I think i kinda have a bad impression in my sub superior's mind... But that's my intuition or rather lousy sixth sense... Lol... Always thought i would wanna work in this company initially but I think I'm gonna aim for the sky high... One day i hope to be in the CEO seat... Though that's a distant dream but hopefully I can... And not be just a low level white collar staff that sits in a small little cubicle and waits for things to happen. Sigh... I really how these CEO's rise up to their positions? Wanna read such books about how people play company politics to their favour and rise up the coporate ladder. Darn..... That's would be a godsend man... Kekeke... I know my birthday present liaoz Allan get me such a book that talks about company politics and rising up the stupid corporate ladder!!!! Then again I keep thinking about crumpler and mp3 player... Realise such stuff are material... Then again I have never asked for anything materialistic apart from my PS2 which was my birthday present from my parents. After that its all been hongbaos... LOL.... Wonder why i do not want materialistic stuff for birthdays. I love cards though... Very happy everytime i receive one!!! Shit i just realise there goes my mouth blabbering non stop... Enough bore and gore.... Time to head back to work or perhaps lunch :-P LOL Lunch sounds better!!!!

2006-05-30T08:14:00.000+08:00

Am writing this entry because I am desperately trying to keep myself awake at work here despite being half an hour early...... The drinking lots of water method isn't working very well because I haven't felt the effects of drinking too much water yet..... BAH!!!!!!! Went for a short walk around the office... Doesn't work much makes me even more sleepy.... YAWNZZZZZ... Now i know the importance of not coming to work early.... No choice, have to eat fisherman's friend liaoz.... Works wonders I tell u.....

Well, back to the normal bitching routine, I can't believe I've pissed two gals of in the same day... Don't know what i did also, maybe not replying emails are a no no huh.... LOL not say like i don't wanna reply your emails but its more of like I never knew i must reply to such emails or I haven't got the chance to do so..... Oh well... Somehow I just think I'm gay or some shit..... Don't understand how come I can relate to guys better than girls..... Quite pissing if you think about it actually.... Am I doomed to remain GAY everyday LOL..... Ok ok... quit day dreaming Carey think straight...... When it comes, it comes naturally.... No PUN intended LOL.... Shit hope no one ever got that... LOL

2006-05-29T15:54:00.000+08:00

Ok a little aftermath of my birthday..... It kinda felt hmmm..... great and a little disappointing that some people i expected to remember my birthday didn't remember my birthday... LOL.... But then again guess they ain't that close to me afterall.....
No regrets man afterall I did remember most of their birthdays, drop msges and stuff..... Guess I ain't that impt to them after all huh.. Ok enough about that, I was really happy that my close pals wished me especially those living overseas..... Oi come back soon lah.... Then we can hang out together just like old days!!! Hmmm..... Birthdays are getting a little old for me, I guess my definition of birthdays is a gathering for good friends to have fun together....
This is a random entry so if you can't bear the nonsense lol don't read any further....... Then again, I've come to the end of the entry.... LOL... Carey's done it again.... Don't you feel like butchering him LOL!!!!

2006-05-29T15:36:00.000+08:00

Happy Belated Birthday to ME!!!!

Though its another birthday, this year felt slightly different...... Rather it was really well spent time for me..... As usual my closest friends remembered my birthday, it really meant a lot to me.... After 7 years of friendship yet our bond remains so close. The thought of it really brings a tear or two to my eyes. Such truthful, well-treasured friendship. Where else can i find such friendship?? After so many years, the bonds remain in fact even stronger than before.

Ok enough sappy stuff.... What's more important is that this happy day in my life was spent with my best friends!! The night before I drove weining, lester, bobbs, jane and weiyi in my company van to Siglap's Cafe Cartel to have a chill out cum good meal. It was really great having everyone in one roof (the van's roof mind you...) talking and doing stupid stuff together!!! Really!!! It was really the good ole days where we would just hang out and somewhere near school and talk rubbish.....

On with the actual day itself, the morning was kinda wasted coz i woke up late and thus wasted morning. I returned the company van followed by dinner with my dad and Jimmy...... HongKong Street Kitchen... I have like been there four times this month... Crap must control man... If not i'll burn a hole in my pocket in no time. After lunch, met up with Weining and Lester for pool. I'm really not that good in pool but hey its the company that made it worth while. Then came Brigittee whom i'm wondering whether will she become part of this big family of ours hehehehe...... That one gotta ask weining, I'm pretty clueless about this one... *Sniggers* Played a game of pool with her which ended up I got my ass whooped.... Then we proceeded to weining's house for a game of mahjong. Can't say much about mahjong seriously afterall my titles are really getting from bad to worst in mahjong... They get shitty to more shitty HAHAHAHAH.... Looks like I cannot play mahjong for years to come man... Unless I got money if not no mahjong.....

Weiyi dropped by after work to join us. We were kinda pretty clueless where to have dinner which was actually the highlight of the day. After some decision making, we headed for this place in Liang's Court which was near Clarke Quay. It was really very FREAKIN good. The food was good and company was good. Though it was only lester, weiyi and me, it felt really good. A good meal with good friends. What more could I have asked for. Weining didn't join us coz he was sick and his mothe rmade him food.... But hey he more than made up for it by accompanying me for half the day. Although it seemed like a birthday celebration, I decided to hold the actual one when Allan gets back. ALLAN if you're reading this, yes you're GUILTY of making me wait for my presents if i actually get any.... LOL :-) The main reason being that he's coming back soon and most likely everyone will be free then. Coz no one can make it for these two weeks... Bloody hell....... LOL...... For those who won't be back in time no worries, you well wishes are already very much appreciated!!!

The only lament i have is that i didn't take enough photos or any photos on my birthday to remember it. Shall remember to take it durign the "actual" celebration bwahhahahaha......... Trigger happy to take photos!!! Memories of my life man... That marks the end of my birthday day.... 26th may....

2006-05-22T22:25:00.000+08:00

Kids nowadays act like ah beng even on mrt also like ah beng...... Shall write about this soon.

2006-05-18T11:35:00.000+08:00

I'm rotting in my chair doing nothing at work.... Shall reading some corp comms stuff later. Lol finally a day of rest after like three straight days of like non stop working. Feels kinda bad but hey I already asked my bosses if they had anything for me but they said no so HECK! Lol.....

The reason I felt like writing this entry is due to the fact that I've seen the light I think. I realised that I've been a fool. Why go for someone just because you just wanna her to be your gf? Is the goal that important? Why always have the goal in sight? The feeling of having someone by your side is indeed tempting but I still have my friends. Indeed, if you look beyond just relationships it feels so much better. So much happier. Life feels so much brighter when you realise there's no point in rushing into something and end up getting hurt twice as bad. Although i don't get why people can get attached in freakin one month.... Some mysteries are better left unsolved. Although its difficult but its really better to get past this stage of looking beyond the relationship, but I'm taking a first step to doing so. If anyone hears me say I like this girl, please slap me if I have known her for only like a few weeks and I say we don't know each other quite well. Well i think you guys get the idea.... Give me wake up call.... Think deep not shallow.

My buds.... Councilors like Allan, Louis, Xianna, Weiyi, Lester, Weining you guys really showed me what friends are really for. Although at times I really get very pissed with you guys for poking fun of me and stuff, but I know you guys don't mean it. Life's been a wonderful and enriching journey with you guys. Thank you. Life goes on forth, Carey feels reborn.

2006-05-17T08:31:00.000+08:00

The Da Vinci code looks good.... Can't wait to watch it. But however i do realise that its all really very hyped up about Dan Brown's books. I mean he isn't the first person to actually come up with such stories where fact and fiction are closely intertwined together. Therefore I have come up with this theory that people try to come up with explanations for people who actually do well or in fact for anything that happens.
I do admit to a certain extent things happen because of those reasons. But one thing i feel is the fact that things happen because its just the natural cycle of life where things just happen. Nothing more, nothing less. Come on you say that Da Vinci code is a good book because of blah blah blah blah...... Isn't it just because its the fact that the author writes with pretty good english with a captivating plot and exciting storyline thats all? A lucky break that was needed for him to shoot to fame? I'm not being a sour grape or anything but things are just the way it is. Not because of the 101 theories which people come up with.

2006-05-16T14:59:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty amazed with myself. How many times the same thing has happened but yet I am able to portray my depression, dismay, emotions and what ever shit you call it in as many wonderful ways as possible. Indeed, creativity just flows when you write huh...

I just don't feel like working now so might as well try to get this out of my system. Apparently, the heartache is as bad as the first time it happened. Why i ask myself? I have no answer. It didn't feel that bad after the first one. But this time it hurts so bad. My heart feels so heavy. Oh well still have to put on a happy face in front of everyone. Wonder how people do this man. Smile smile smile but it feels like SHIT inside? Don't they ever let it out?? Coz I know if i don't I'll go CRAZY..... Any thoughts on this anyone? Sitting here in my seat i feel like i'm treating things more maturely but inside it just feels HORRIBLE.

How I wished that at times like this there's someone i could have a shoulder to lie on and sayang. I'm sure everyone does. The road is long and winding ahead. I miss the councilors so much...... Still can remember everytime I felt like this at least one of them would be their for me.... But now they are all spread like seeds over the world. Even the ones here with me are busy with their own problems. I just wished I wasn't born to care for people but someone who is more bastardish........

2006-05-16T14:44:00.000+08:00

Feelin a little affect at work now.... Hmm... I knew things would turn out like dat.... Once again, Carey has not failed to prove punters correct. Either he sucks in relationships or he is jinxed or both.... If you guys thought otherwise, sorry to disappoint you guys AGAIN....

Interview with my good side:
Let's look on the bright side, there's always a chance you will succeed. I mean come on you don't know what she thinks of you.. That is if you're thick skinned enough. Moreover, things aren't that bad afterall you guys are still friends rite? Life goes on, eventually you'll find someone you like so why rush or hurry into things rite?

Interview with my bad side:
Lies lah... Everything is a lie. This life is a lie. Deep down inside you know you screwed it all up AGAIN.... Come on you know its the truth. Just resign yourself to your fate.

Ok reading that you guys think i'm schizophrenic but everyone is in that sense dont you think. Everyone knows the good and the bad just how do they react to it. Seriously i just felt like someone knocked a hole through my heart or sank it into quicksand..... It just feels so heavy. Did really feel like crying for a minute just now but I'm at work. Who am i to mix my work and emotions together? No one. I'm just so tired of this shit. SHIT it.

2006-05-16T14:23:00.000+08:00

X's Good Friend:
"But the pt is, im verys ure she doesnt noe that u feel differently about her and if u feel dat she seems to be avoiding you, there must be another reason to that.. and she has talked to me about it..
But aside from that X's some one who has very clear delinations and priorities in her life, and it's very very very unlikely that she changes her feelings towards people, be it people she dislikes or wad so ever, but more imptly her feelings towards guys are quite fixed No matter how many times i try to psycho her about someone if she doesnt feel about it, it wun work, and not possibly in the next 10 years... she's a damn tough nut to crack. So unless u really have such overwhelming feelings, patience and supernatural powers, it's going to be quite hard to move her...
Of cuz to continue to like anyone is anyone's right and choice, but if ure starting with the end in mind, which is developing a relationship, i think it's honestly going to be a very very tough road. And im saying all these because i have known X since sec1 even though we only became best friends in sec3, she's always been like that. she's damn constant and im letting u know thise cause ure one of my good friends in smu, and i dun want you to feel hurt by her or that you feel frustrated because you dun noe wad to do... "

Doesn't this feel like rejection...........
Oh well, thats where the song below comes in i guess..... What to do.... bah!

2006-05-16T08:38:00.000+08:00

My Favourite Song at the Moment:

"Bad Day"

Where is the moment we needed the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

They tell me your blue skies fade to grey

They tell me your passion's gone away

And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee to go

You tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces everytime

And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday

The point is they laugh at what you say

And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink

And the whole thing turns out wrong

You might not make it back and you know

That you could be well oh that strong

And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most

Oh you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

You've seen what you like

And how does it feel for one more time

You had a bad day

Had a bad day

2006-05-15T13:53:00.000+08:00

Shall blog about this since there is ten minutes left till lunch break ends. Hmm.... Was having lunch with my colleagues (not the intern batch rather with my assistant boss and people from the risk management department. Then the talk about disasters came about... Don't ask me why disasters but yeah disasters.....
Then it made me think of back in JC when there was the 9/11 incident...... The days we spent our time on something which didn't involve us but yet made us care about the world. We move at such a fast pace that now whenever something bad happens we don't stop and go oh dear. But just walk on. Where is the sympathy? The epathy of this world?? Has it died?
You may say people still talk about it and discuss about such stuff but they forget it in a few days down the road or perhaps a few months down the road. We don't really care about anything until it really affects us directly. Give an example: if you were to see a few pieces of fruit left lying on the floor and you were to slip and fall, you would be more careful in future rite? But when you see it happen to someone, you would either offer help or just walk by. Either way you would forget about the incident a few days down the road. Hmm... Isn't tat selfish? A selfish way of thinking? You only care about yourself when things happen to you it is only then do you respond.
Hmm.. another rubbish post by me... Anyway this has nothing to do with my personal life. Just felt like talking about stuff hahahah....