A uneventful birthday would be very apt to describe today or rather yesterday... So I asked myself.... What do I really want? You were the one that said you didn't want any presents or anything.... So what is it I really want?
The more I ponder I realise perhaps I just wanna feel a little special on my birthday. To feel a little love. To know that people in this world still care about me. I don't need presents, I don't need big hoo haa stuff... Perhaps just to hear people's voices congradulating me and perhaps shower me and let me have my whims and fancys..... I know I didn't today..... Whatever I chose was just for the sake of others... Not for myself.....
Thinking till here, I realise I'm at fault for this stupid problem too..... I don't know what I want either..... I'm just to "sui bian"... No ability to make any decisions or perhaps too embarassed to make decisions for fear of inconvience of others.... Perhaps no, that is the reason why I'm so miserable today......
Why am I so scared of being alone when people more or less lead lives alone more than half of the time? That loathsome fear..... That utter disgusting feeling... It just drives me to the fact that I don't wanna offend people or inconvience others.... Bah... Know thy fear.... But to conquer thy fear is another uphill fight...
Dude!! Get a life! Oh well, Happy Birthday to Me.......